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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me laughing with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. My assumption was filming a short video now and then would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?